President’s Blog: Embracing the Empty Nest

… As I sit down to write these words, my heart swells with emotions, memories, and a sense of gratitude that has accompanied me on the incredible journey of motherhood. Today, I want to share my story of being a mother who has just recently become an empty nester, a journey that has been both challenging and profoundly rewarding. It’s a story of treasured moments, bittersweet farewells, and the invaluable lessons I’ve learned along the way.

The Journey of Motherhood

From the very first moment I held my newborn sons in my arms, I knew that being a mother was a gift beyond all measure. The joy of nurturing, teaching, and witnessing their growth became, and remained, the cornerstone of my life. For the past 24 years, my days have been filled with laughter, tears, and countless unforgettable moments. I’ve treasured each and every milestone, from their first steps, to their first day of school, and even to their journey to leaving for university. These were the moments that defined me, and I embraced them with open arms.

The Emotional Rollercoaster of Dropping the Last Child Off at College

As the years passed, each of my sons embarked on their own very personal journey of growth and self-discovery. Their journey was very different from mine, and even from each other’s as brothers. And then came that pivotal day when I had to say goodbye to my last child as he left for university just one month ago. The emotions that coursed through me were a whirlwind of pride, fear, and the deepest of sadness. It felt like déjà vu, as if I was reliving that very moment I had to let my oldest son go when he headed off for his journey. As I held each of my sons in a final, tight embrace in their dorm room, a tidal wave of emotions washed over me. It was a hug filled with a mixture of pride, nostalgia, and a deep longing to freeze that one precious moment in time. The dorm room, a room filled with all the promises of their futures, also felt like a crossroads between the past and the future, and that hug was a bridge connecting our shared history with the excitement of what lay ahead for them both.

The Empty Nest: A New Chapter

The transition to my empty nest has not been without its challenges. The house that had once echoed with all sorts of childhood and teenage son shenanigans felt overwhelmingly empty and eerily quiet. The daily routines have not yet been replaced, yet I recognize that for me the empty nest symbolizes a profound change in my life, and that it is a transition that is requiring considerable adjustment.

Tips for Embracing the Empty Nest

I’m a Clinical Psychologist, and I’m all too familiar with expert advice on transitioning through the empty next.

1. Validate Your Feelings
   It’s okay to feel a sense of loss when your children leave the nest, and it’s also okay to feel excitement about the new opportunities that lie ahead for you as an empty-nest parent. Regardless of how I feel each day, I am taking a moment each day to reflect on the truth of my emotions – both the positive and the negative – and I remind myself to avoid guilt about how I feel.
2. Take Time to Rediscover Yourself
   Amid so many years of active parenting, you may have lost time for your personal passions. Use this new sense of time to take on a new hobby, travel, or volunteer in your community. For me personally, I am so grateful for a professional role that brings me such purpose and that fills my days. Work, if it is meaningful and personally purposeful, can fill the empty spaces too.
3. Stay Connected
   Stay connected with your children through phone calls, video chats, text messages, and in-person visits. I see my oldest son quite regularly now that he has graduated university. For my youngest, we talk every Sunday and I cherish those phone calls! We all text regularly, fun and silly stuff too, that gives us a chance to deepen our bond from afar.
4. Focus on Self-Care
   Take care of your physical and emotional well-being. Exercise, meditation, or counseling are all valuable tools to center wellness during this, and indeed any, transition. I’ve found myself walking more, paying more attention to what’s going on around me, all the while enjoying how my mind naturally drifts to memories of raising my sons and taking pride in their current success.
5. Cultivate a Support System
   Seek support from friends who have experienced the empty nest or join support groups for parents in similar situations. For me, I’m a natural at sharing my feelings with my friends, it has always provided comfort and has given me an opportunity to learn from others who have travelled on this path before.
6. Celebrate Your Achievements
   Reflect on the incredible journey of motherhood and celebrate your role in shaping the lives of your children. Be proud of the individuals they have become and the vital role you played in their success.

I’m working my way through these tips now myself, yet I acknowledge they are not instant fixes. Psychological research on the empty nest has informed us about the emotional roller coaster of this life stage. Studies have shown that while many parents can experience a sense of loss and sadness when their children leave home, they also can enjoy a renewed sense of relationship satisfaction and focus on personal goals and interests. This phenomenon, known as the “empty nest syndrome,” suggests that the empty nest can be a period of both transition and growth. Related to this, research on emerging adulthood—that stage of life when young people explore the world around them and further understand their identity development—has revealed that young adults benefit from increased independence and responsibility, which are often facilitated by leaving the parental home for college or work. These findings are comforting to me because they give a different perspective on how important the empty nest is as a dynamic phase of life, one that involves adaptation and the potential for personal and relational enrichment.

I’m not at this point of acceptance just yet.

Treasuring the Moments with My Sons

Instead, I’m in transition. One of the most poignant lessons I’ve learned throughout this journey of motherhood is the importance of treasuring every moment with my sons. Yes, the past 24 years have flown by like a blur, a reminder that childhood is but a fleeting moment in time. Those seemingly ordinary days of bedtime stories, shared laughter, and quiet conversations have taken on an extraordinary significance for me. It’s in these everyday moments that the magic of parenthood resides, and I’ve come to understand that it’s not just the milestones but the small, everyday interactions that etch themselves into our hearts forever. Those are the core memories. Time moves swiftly, and before we know it, our children are off on their own life adventures. So, I hold onto these moments, savoring them like precious gems, and search for new ones, for I know that it’s in these moments that the essence of motherhood is truly found.

Gratefulness for the Journey

I additionally find myself profoundly grateful for the struggles we’ve weathered together as mother and sons. These challenges have been our crucible, forging bonds of resilience and strength. The late-night study sessions, the heart-to-heart talks during challenging times, family life changes, and the unwavering support we’ve offered each other through life’s trials have shaped us in profound ways. These moments of struggle have not only deepened our connections but have also taught us resilience, empathy, and the power of unwavering familial love. I’m thankful for the opportunity to grow alongside my sons, to be there during their toughest moments, and to witness their remarkable ability to overcome obstacles. It’s through these shared trials that we’ve discovered the true meaning of the mother and son relationship: a source of enduring love and unwavering presence and support through life’s unpredictable journey.

Lessons from My Sons

As a person, not only a mother, I’ve come to recognize that some of the toughest, yet most profound lessons I’ve learned in life have been through the remarkable journey of raising my sons. Through their challenges, I’ve discovered the depths of patience, the art of listening without judgment, and the importance of allowing them the space to be their own person. Parenting has not only been about guiding them but also about me learning from them. They’ve taught me resilience in the face of adversity, the beauty of individuality, and the transformative power of unwavering love. Through every triumph and tribulation, my sons have been my greatest teachers, revealing to me the true meaning of unconditional love and the boundless capacity for growth that resides within each of us. It’s a testament to the ever-evolving nature of motherhood, where the lessons learned are often the ones that shape us the most profoundly.

Navigating the New Stage Together

As we collectively embark on this new stage of our mother-son relationship, it’s been a journey now marked by mutual support and understanding. While the physical distance between us may have increased, the bonds of love and connection are growing stronger. We navigate this uncharted territory as a team, learning from one another’s experiences and challenges. Communication has become even more essential, and we treasure the moments when we come together to share stories, dreams, and the inevitable hurdles life presents. It’s a journey where I continue to be a guide, offering wisdom from my years of experience as best I can, while simultaneously learning from my sons as they navigate their own unique paths. Together, we adapt, grow, and embrace the beauty of the parent-adult child relationship, cherishing the past, present, and the promising future that awaits us.

Gratitude for the Empty Nest Journey

In the embrace of this new phase, the empty nest, I find myself overwhelmed with gratitude for the journey that has brought me to this point. A month in, I find myself tearing up at the memory of that final hug in a dorm room. Yet, I also find myself smiling at the countless core memories we created together. This is a life journey that has allowed me to reflect, rediscover, and develop as an individual, all while cherishing the precious moments spent with my incredible sons as they’ve grown into remarkable adults. The empty nest is not an end but a beginning, a chapter filled with new adventures, fresh perspectives, and the profound beauty of an evolving parent-child relationship. I am immensely thankful for the privilege of being a mother and for the chance to continue to nurture our mother-son bond in new and meaningful ways. As I navigate this uncharted territory, I do so with a heart full of gratitude for the past, an open embrace of the present, and a hopeful outlook for the future. The journey continues, and I am ready to embrace it with open arms.

Jarrod and Jake,

I am counting the days until we are around the Thanksgiving table together.

I love you.